Run or Hide?

When the first shot rang out it didn't even register. If my colleague hadn't asked when the gun sounded the second time I wouldn't noticed. It was shortly after 5 pm and the courthouse was nearly empty. A few of us were still around finishing up some work assignments. I had stepped out of my office to discuss an issue with another attorney in his office next door. Once he said he thought they were gunshots we had to make a decision. Do we stay in the office or do we try and run out of the building? His door had a lock and all of the windows were covered so we decided to hunker down.

As we sat in his office we didn't make a sound. I moved the sofa in front of the door to try and gain some sense of security. When we hid behind his desk we found a problem. His standing desk's front panel doesn't extend to the floor. If the shooter opened the door he would see us but we wouldn't even know it. The only weapon I could find was a stapler and I wasn't sure how hard or accurately I could throw it if the door opened. Having decided to hunker down we just had to wait; in silence.

Even though we were together I stood alone with my thoughts. I could hear my own heart's beat and I could feel the blood as it coursed through my veins. It's a terrible thing to be completely aware of the life force that flows through your body while listening to gunshots as they echo outside your door. When the shots rang softer you wondered if it would be better to step out and run for it. But what if he is just reloading? Then a knock came on the door, but there was no voice. A sheriff or other police officer, would have announced who they were or carried a master key.

Uncertain, we continued with eery silence. My cell phone was in my office. Just a wall away but it might as well not even existed; so we waited. Almost ten minutes later we heard the voices of coworkers and we could make out what they were saying. We felt somewhat safe and my colleague opened the door. The scene was not one of horror but of reflection and tension releasing joking.

This was a training exercise. Recent experiences caused courthouse security to involve all staff in an after-hours training to be better prepared for the unlikely event of an active shooter. Even though I knew it was a drill, the sound of gunfire at my office was enough to cause physical and emotional discomfort. One nephew was present during an actual active shooter events. I still can't fully imagine that trauma. I was not excited about this required training and now that it's done I can confirm that I didn't enjoy it at all, but I am glad I went.