Talent Show?

The time for the annual talent show had come and the ward leaders asked us missionaries if we would perform a talent. Of course we agreed and we made sure to invite all of the friends we were teaching to attend a fun and relaxing event and they could see us in a social instead of a formal teaching context. Although most of us were barely twenty years old, the nature of teaching and preaching about the gospel of Jesus Christ tends to make one appear older than you really are. Faith, Repentance, Baptism and the Holy Ghost tend to inspire reverence rather than frivolity and a ward party presents the best excuse to let down our guard and have some fun.

But we jumped the gun when we accepted the invitation because we didn't actually have a talent that we were ready to share. We knew that there would be singing, flamenco dancing, comedy acts and a puppet show. One ward member did hilarious impressions of movie stars and of course we would see a display of magic and card tricks. We thought about singing, it wouldn't have been great but we wouldn't have embarrassed ourselves. In the end someone, and it was not me, suggested that we do a whistling Boy Scout gag. We thought it would be funny to bring something from America to Madrid and we felt confident that Spaniards had surely seen nothing like it.

The preparation required two simple steps. We recorded us whistling "Sweet Georgia Brown," the tune made famous by the Harlem Globetrotters. We then obtained three-foot-long butcher paper and cut it into lengths to form cylinders that would fit around our torsos. Now for the gag. Each missionary painted eyes, a nose and a hat on the butcher paper. The plan is to place these "faces" over your body and then do a goofy dance while whistling the Harlem Globetrotter theme. Oh, I forgot one thing, the butcher paper doesn't cover your belly so you take a tube of lipstick and you draw a pair of lips with your belly button at the center. Then when you dance you jiggle your belly to make it appear that is where the whistling is coming from.

Well I guess we forgot that everyone was used to seeing us in suits. The most informal our ward members would see us would be with just a white shirt and tie. When the curtain went up and they saw us and our belly lips exposed we heard complete silence until one child screamed, "What is that?" Then the recording began. It was too late, there was no going back. So we stood on stage and performed our "talent." I could not see the crowd because of the paper tube and honestly, that was a good thing. There wasn't even polite applause at the end, just awkward silence. I still sometimes say yes before I should, but I don't think I've ever topped that fiasco.