My 500 Words

How do you choose a life partner? You don't. Anyone who suggests you can select a good mate by avoiding selfish, irrational, or needy parters is at best oversimplifying and at worst lying. The closest I can come isn't even a formula.  Happiness in life partnerships and marriage flows from a balance of having an idea in mind, working as hard as you can to achieve that goal, finding joy while you work on that goal, and realizing complete satisfaction whether it turned out as imagined or completely different. Happiness in marriage demands more than loving the person, you have to love the relationship. My experience suggests that it is easier to fall in love with someone than it is to fall in love with marriage. I didn't always love marriage and that is why I dated. That process of dating led me to to an emotional place that cemented my conviction in the purpose and benefits of marriage. One key factor in my willingness to get married was based in my own conviction that mar

Yesterday, I asked a plumber working at my house whether it bothered him when people talked while he was working. He said that, like on a plane, as long as the conversation is good he is fine with it. Then he added, "But if I can be honest, people who are standing right over your shoulder the whole time and talking while you're working can be annoying." I have said this same phrase, "if I can be honest", hundreds of times. I even follow up that phrase with the observation and my own answer that I hope I can be honest and reassure the listener that I have been honest already. So why do we say it? There are several reasons. Perhaps we have been lying and now we are ready to tell the truth. Maybe we want to say something that could be misunderstood or is not usually discussed in polite conversation. It could be as simple as a filler phrase that carries no intended meaning but serves as a transition to shift the conversation. Darin is the 2nd from the right

This morning I heard a news report about a group of evangelizing atheists who were spreading their message in public places. The report included one particular message they used. "Don't worry. There is no hell." I agree with them, as long as they are talking about a physical place. I haven't believed in a hell for a very long time. I don't talk that much about it because I really don't know that much about it. I certainly don't know anyone who has been there. Even the commentary about hell requires a certain stretch to confine it to some physical space. As a former proselytizing missionary I think a simple joke explains hell. This joke requires an element of background so that anyone not of my faith will get it. Missionaries in my church go to almost all the world to teach and preach the gospel of Jesus Christ. Because we believe that baptism by one holding the priesthood of our church is necessary for salvation we invite those we teach to be bapti

I will always remember the first time I went to prison. I wasn't nervous because I felt  prepared and knew what to expect. My nerves were also calmed as I was confident that I was innocent. Without any legitimate charges or convictions there was no way that they could keep me very long. I wasn't happy with the clothes I had to wear on the inside. What did they think would happen if I decided to wear blue jeans and a t-shirt? Heading into the warden's office I felt like I held all of the cards and that simple formalities needed to be accomplished before I was out in the free air again. If you have never been to jail or prison let me paint you a little picture. Some people grow up in homes where they lock the door every time they come in or go out. Not in my house. With so many children coming and going I never remember a time that our house was locked until after the kids had grown. For an inmate, prison becomes their residence, for some even their home. But the difference

In today’s speech to the Italian Senate, Prime Minister Matteo Renzi opined that it is not enough to rest on the country’s rich history; their focus must be on the future. This message includes the manipulative phrase that any hardships will be for our children and their future. I lack sufficient understanding of Italian politics to render an opinion on Mr. Renzi’s commitment and honesty but his statement reminded me of a rather uncomfortable moment in my own life. I was still in college when I met my girlfriend’s mother and stepfather. First meetings with parent’s carry a certain weight and tension. Even as adults we mutually understand that you are being judged and that it’s almost impossible to pass the test of being good enough. You can be well received, liked and tolerated, but the test is usually not completed until many years later. There existed a difference between my economic standing and theirs. I occupied, at best, a lower-middle-class position and these people h

I have heard that Americans spend more time watching television shows about cooking than actually preparing food to eat. Whether they are stand-alone programs or segments within a news broadcast these in-front-of-the-camera chefs highlight the joys that come from the kitchen. But for me these joys usually come to a crashing halt as soon as I try to replicate what I saw on television. While I comfortably call myself a cook I have never maintained any illusion that I posses the skills of a chef. Every time I see one of these trained masters prepare a dish I recognize their talent and usually decide to never try and attempt the same thing at home. When I do muster up the courage to try, the results are passable but never with a flair that would bring applause or attract patrons to a restaurant. It is a fortunate thing that I have never dreamed of being a chef but the joys of cooking have not escaped me. My children love it when I cook. It doesn't matter if it is pizza, burrito

I imagine that even before the Founders of the United States of America penned their famous words, mankind has been engaged in a pursuit of happiness. We strive to improve our condition and situation, endeavoring to improve by day, week and year. We set goals to master skills, lose weight, and exercise. We make plans for dates, weekends and vacations. We save for cars, homes and retirement. We endlessly look forward in a relentless pursuit of happiness. When we do it well and we do it right we achieve those goals and plans and we experience moments of happiness. Few experiences equal the pleasure felt when a skill is mastered, a vacation goes off without a hitch or when settling in to a new home. Those moments create the highlight reels of happiness that remind us that our day-to-day grind is worth it. We might say that we honor the Founders and their vision for our happiness by achieving any milestone and reaching every goal. I feel certain that the words selected for the Decl

On February 21, 1965 three members of the Nation of Islam killed Malcolm X. One year earlier Malcolm X occupied the second most powerful position in the Nation of Islam. Only Elijah Mohammed could claim a higher status. Many would argue that while organizationally Mohammed sat in the the highest chair, X wielded greater persuasive power. Yet in March 1964, after converting to Sunni Islam, the man once known as Malcolm Little, voluntarily vacated his position of power to advocate a more peaceful resolution to the race crisis and to promote the Civil Rights Movement. Less than a year later he was dead. He had come a long way since his father had been killed and his mother was confined in mental institutions. He followed a life in foster care with sometimes brutal criminal conduct that led to his incarceration. He was angry and his days wearing the zoot suit through the neighborhood were gone. In prison he embraced Islam and adopted the X, an homage to the anonymity, caused by slavery,

In 2001 I accepted a job that was 35 miles from my home. The distance created an impossibility to cycle to my office on a regular basis. I started to commute by car. I could count on one hand the number of times I rode my bicycle to that office because it was just too far. Unfortunately even when I transferred offices to a site within 15 miles of my home I continued to drive instead of ride. During those years I added a certain girth to my frame. Once I recognized the changes to my body, I began to consider ways to remedy the situation. I obtained a home gym weight station and even borrowed a rowing machine that my parents had but never used. Although I now had the equipment, I failed to maintain a regular workout regimen and so I realized almost no improvement in my physical condition. About seven years ago I again changed offices to the Matheson Courthouse in downtown Salt Lake City. My employer offered me either a parking place or a bus pass. Being ecologically minded I opted f

I’ve always performed poorly in art classes. I have never successfully transferred to paper any image from my mind’s eye. I fall short when sketching simple three dimensional boxes. I can’t seem to get the lines parallel. One evening I was helping a friend study for a college entrance exam. She had already achieved a high proficiency in drawing. When she became frustrated and tired of the test preparation she invited me to look at some of her work. I was amazed that someone my age could create drawings that were so evocative and beautiful. I confessed that I did not know how to draw and that anyone who tried to teach me had failed. I remember saying, “I don’t even know how to draw a straight line.” She replied, “That’s alright. You almost never draw a straight line anyway.” We spent the next hour or so working on simple skills. I remember she had me draw circles all over a paper. They didn’t need to be perfect I was just freeing up my wrist or something. Well, in the end I eit

One early experience with the Boy Scouts involved an effort to achieve the cycling merit badge. To achieve the badge the scout must demonstrate proficiency with basic maintenance of the bicycle, a primary understanding of the rules of the road, and complete several bike rides of varying distances. You had to complete a few five and ten mile rides as well as one 25 mile ride and one 50 miler. Our leaders eased us into the challenge by scheduling shorter trips to get our legs ready for longer rides. Because of my newspaper route that I did on my bicycle, the gradual build up was unnecessary for me. But I enjoyed every opportunity to ride with friends. When I learned that we were going on a weekend camp and that would include a 10 miler Friday evening and the 25 miler on Saturday morning I was excited. I  didn't often get the chance to do longer rides. The Friday afternoon we drove out toward the campsite and then stopped 10 miles before the destination. At that point all of t

I was not alive when either Abraham Lincoln or John F. Kennedy were assassinated so I cannot tell you where I was when those events occurred. But in 1981, I was at home and sick when I heard of the attempted assassination of Ronald Reagan. In 1986, I was in Madrid when my landlords brought me into their apartment to watch the reports of the Challenger disaster. In 1989 I was in my parents' basement watching the pre-game show when the Loma Prieta earthquake hit. I was listening to NPR as I arrived to my office parking lot when I  received the news of the first plane striking the World Trade Center in 2001. Through mass media we experienced these events communally even if we happened to be alone when we first heard the news. Although we each answer the where were you question differently we don't even need to ask where we were in the hours and days afterward. We already know we were gathered together, joined by television and radio, simultaneously receiving the news. F