Discovery and Life in a Big Family

The Wally and Norene Newton Family

I am the tenth of 14 children. I have five older sisters, four older brothers and four younger brothers. My parents have remained married and provided a good and loving home for us.  While I know they question some of their choices, the relationships we all share as adults suggest that they made generally correct choices.

People often ask me what it was like to grow up in a large family.  It's a curious question because I really never knew what it would be like to grow up in a small family.   I usually respond that once you got over six children you were a big family. I reasoned that once you surpass six children, the older children will help with the younger children. There is a natural redistribution of chores and responsibilities where children perform some tasks that parents typically would.

Sometimes this results in parentification.  By parentification I refer to a situation where a child does something because a parent can't or won't.  Parentification does not result because children are given responsibilities that otherwise a parent would normally do as long as the child and parent both understand that it is the parent's responsibility to see that it is being done.

Kids can do really amazing things

Children are capable of marvelous accomplishments.  I am sometimes bemused when I hear of the prodigious efforts of school children.  You know the story of the six-year-old who sets up a fund raising drive to help a sick classmate, or the teen who develops a new technological process, th
e child who demonstrates a new mathematical theorem or the girl who applies a complex scientific process to make a new and exciting discovery.
I don't know that I have ever heard anyone say, in response to those reports, that those poor children are somehow mistreated because they are losing their childhood and immersed in adult activities.

In fact the plasticity of learning and development is so rich in children that it is imperative that they have the opportunity to do adult things even at young ages.  But when this occurs, proper supervision and boundaries are necessary.  As a young boy I know that my older brothers and sisters did a lot of my raising.  My brothers taught me how to ride a bike, walk on stilts, play baseball and so much more.

Yellow lights remind me of my dad

But my parents were always there.  When my siblings efforts were not enough I knew where to turn.  I knew my dad was working and providing a good and safe home for me and my family.  I knew he had a great sense of humor and could really sing and play the guitar.  He even ran yellow lights.  And for a moral center there is no one who compares to my mother and her insights and instruction.  Her example continues to provide a rock-solid foundation.

So life in a big family simply provides the opportunity for living.  Not always rich in amenities but certainly abounding in experience.  And for me, always worth it.