Flight 186

I wanted to go Oregon so badly that I paid my own airfare with paper route money. Sure, I would be living with my sister but she wasn't a parent and her husband is a great guy. They lived outside of Portland, so I would be going to a state where I had never been before and I was finally going to see the Pacific Ocean. This adventure was so cool that I forgot about one minor problem; I am terrified of heights and one obvious fact had eluded me from the moment I began planning the trip, I would be flying in a plane at an approximate elevation of 30,000 feet.

Even though I realized that my fear was completely irrational, I very effectively eschewed hints of logic and began to imagine every horrible scenario that could possibly occur. As I tried to drift to sleep, I would visualize tires blowing out on takeoff or landing causing the plane to roll and explode. I imagined a demise from lighting strikes or engine malfunctions causing the plan to plummet from the sky. The very thought of moving through the air at altitude caused me to actually shake and tremble.

On the morning of the flight, my first flight ever, I had no solution to the fear and the idea that I would be flying alone was pushing me closer to the edge. I contemplated acting sick and giving up on the whole trip. I would have cancelled the trip but the tickets were non-refundable; even then my fear of monetary loss outweighed my fear of heights. I only had a couple of hours before we had to leave for the airport. In that final moment I had one idea, I could practice self-relaxation and meditation, skills that I had learned and practiced since my peer counseling course in eighth grade.

I went to the living room sofa and I sat down. I turned all of my attention to my body and became aware of my heart and my breathing. I could feel the perspiration on the back of my neck. I knew there was nothing I could do about my heart or my perspiration, but I could focus on my breathing. As I measured every breath, I closed my eyes and I imagined that I was an eagle, not soaring, but resting in a nest. As I lay there I felt my heart slowing and the perspiration was gone. It took almost an hour but I started to believe that everything was going to be OK.

As I got on the plane and found my seat I realized that my heart was starting to race. I mentally returned to the living room sofa, closed my eyes and visualized myself as that eagle in its nest. Even as we taxied I maintained a complete calm. On takeoff the tranquil elation caused a complete wave of comfort and peace that endured through that entire flight and every other flight since.