Who's the Boss
Newborn babies win our hearts with little more than their presence. We swoon over their tiny features, eager eyes and gentle coos. While some children present extreme cases of irregular sleep patterns and incessant wailing, most of the time even the cries of a child bring smiles to a parent's face. These little humans depend on us for every single thing and they provide no obvious material benefit to justify our complete and utter devotion to their every whim and need. We feed them, clothe them, clean their bottoms and watch over and protect them. Completely dependent, without us they would not survive.
Evolutionary explanations describe why we would behave in such a manner because all life forms do what is required to enhance the survival of their species. But I believe our efforts stand apart from other animals, and not just because humans require a longer time before becoming capable of surviving on our own. As parents, we sacrifice for more than survival, we know through repeated experience the feelings of felicity that stem from serving our young. The rewards of doing good linger until they satiate our hearts with goodness as we give with no thought of return.
Somewhere along the line we can get it into our heads that it is time for our children to return the favor and we might insist that they serve us instead. This dynamic creates a tricky path to navigate when children become more self aware and understand that they have personal desires that do not always coincide with parental wishes. In these times children might decline good and proper parental requests. Children will also begin to take risks and will often ask permission first. Parents should not always say yes, but if the lessons from our earlier service could teach us anything it might be that we should look for reasons to say yes rather than excuses to say no.
It seems easy to give lip service and quickly provide correct guidance to children. But we should not forget to demonstrate how we reached our decision. Without critical thinking skills, even correct decisions appear to flow from luck, magic, or mere coincidence. Especially when we possess the foresight of all of the reasons to say no, we should take the time to guide our children through a thoughtful dialogue where their own realization and recognition of flaws in their original plan allow them to develop critical thinking skills while keeping intact, and even strengthening the parent/child relationship.
When in doubt we do well to remember the tremendous benefits that comes through service. This does not mean that we do for others all the things that they can do for themselves, rather service demands a voluntary assistance chosen by our own free will to the benefit of another. As we model this behavior for our children and provide them with opportunities, instead of demands, for service we will find that our children can be the best bosses we ever have.
Evolutionary explanations describe why we would behave in such a manner because all life forms do what is required to enhance the survival of their species. But I believe our efforts stand apart from other animals, and not just because humans require a longer time before becoming capable of surviving on our own. As parents, we sacrifice for more than survival, we know through repeated experience the feelings of felicity that stem from serving our young. The rewards of doing good linger until they satiate our hearts with goodness as we give with no thought of return.
Somewhere along the line we can get it into our heads that it is time for our children to return the favor and we might insist that they serve us instead. This dynamic creates a tricky path to navigate when children become more self aware and understand that they have personal desires that do not always coincide with parental wishes. In these times children might decline good and proper parental requests. Children will also begin to take risks and will often ask permission first. Parents should not always say yes, but if the lessons from our earlier service could teach us anything it might be that we should look for reasons to say yes rather than excuses to say no.
It seems easy to give lip service and quickly provide correct guidance to children. But we should not forget to demonstrate how we reached our decision. Without critical thinking skills, even correct decisions appear to flow from luck, magic, or mere coincidence. Especially when we possess the foresight of all of the reasons to say no, we should take the time to guide our children through a thoughtful dialogue where their own realization and recognition of flaws in their original plan allow them to develop critical thinking skills while keeping intact, and even strengthening the parent/child relationship.
When in doubt we do well to remember the tremendous benefits that comes through service. This does not mean that we do for others all the things that they can do for themselves, rather service demands a voluntary assistance chosen by our own free will to the benefit of another. As we model this behavior for our children and provide them with opportunities, instead of demands, for service we will find that our children can be the best bosses we ever have.
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