Truths and Lies

Yesterday, I asked a plumber working at my house whether it bothered him when people talked while he was working. He said that, like on a plane, as long as the conversation is good he is fine with it. Then he added, "But if I can be honest, people who are standing right over your shoulder the whole time and talking while you're working can be annoying."

I have said this same phrase, "if I can be honest", hundreds of times. I even follow up that phrase with the observation and my own answer that I hope I can be honest and reassure the listener that I have been honest already. So why do we say it? There are several reasons. Perhaps we have been lying and now we are ready to tell the truth. Maybe we want to say something that could be misunderstood or is not usually discussed in polite conversation. It could be as simple as a filler phrase that carries no intended meaning but serves as a transition to shift the conversation.

Darin is the 2nd from the right
As a young teenager I had a girlfriend and my parents were not completely keen on the idea. She didn't live in my neighborhood so before I went to her home I would tell my mom I was going to my friend Darin's house. I would then get on my bicycle and ride to his  house. Darin lived right on the way to my girlfriend's house. If I was gone too long, and my mom called Darin, I would have him tell my mom that I had left and was on my way home. He would then call me at my girlfriend's house and I would get on my bike and head home.

From a certain perverted way of thinking, all of the statements were true. Nevertheless, the story lacked the measure of courtroom truth where you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Indeed I don't think I ever said to my mother after a visit to my girlfriend's home, "If I can be honest, Mom . . .." Today there is a very simple reason to eliminate the phrase and just simply be honest.

If I were a teen today, my mother could track where I was from my cell phone. But whether we're children, friends, employees, or politicians, the ability to tell a lie and get away with it has dramatically decreased. Technology advances make it harder to permanently hide the truth. Now, the lies that endure are the lies we want to believe. Some are lies that we embrace because they confirm our convictions. Other lies are  truths we reject, sometimes in rants and raves, because they don't conform to what we believe.

In the spirit of complete transparency I invite you to join with me in eradicating the phrase, "if I can be honest."

As a first step, if I can be frank, I want to assure you all that everything in this post is true.

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